Congratulations, Mayor-for-Life Don Plusquellic, for entering the computer age! Plusquellic jumped onto Facebook last week, saying, “I make it a top priority to harness the most modern and efficient ways of disseminating information to keep the public informed.”

 

            Snooze!

            Dude, let me give you a quick primer on Facebook. Don’t be so coy. Put up some pictures from college, where you’re doing keg stands or something. Hell, just upload some pics you took with your cell phone the last time you were up in the Lux’s VIP lounge. That’d be sweet. And start making prosaic status updates like, “Grr. I got a case of the Mondays!” or “Just watched Glee. OMG! When is Quinn gonna fess up about the baby’s daddy?” Chick dig that stuff. Also, you need more friends. You’re mayor of A-K-Rowdy, man. 260 friends isn’t cutting it. My little sister has more than that. And she’s 11.

            Take a page from your buddy Ken Stewart, who wears a bracelet that matches Bob Serpentini’s, but still manages to come off macho-cool in his profile picture. Check out the sunglasses!